The winter season provides us with opportunities for time together with our families. Whether that is because of school breaks, the daylight being shorter, or shared holiday celebrations, this is a time of year when togetherness is a common theme. While this is a wonderful opportunity, it can also be a challenge for kids who experience the changes in routine, new visitors, and new or infrequently celebrated traditions as disruptive to their usual flow.

 One way to help children cope with the changes and transitions associated with our winter season is to role-play what will happen during holiday, family, or other changes in routine. This can be done with figurines, if a child enjoys this type of play (imagine Spider-Man and Black Panther coming over to Moana’s island for a celebratory feast!) or can be acted out in self pretend (get out some play food and set a picnic style feast), or can even be video taped as an example to watch and review. One of the reasons change can be upsetting is that we do not know what to expect in this new experience that is different from what we anticipated. We can make change less jarring by making the new experience more predictable. 

When children know what to expect, they are calmer and more able to participate in the experience because they can contextualize it and know their place in the sequence of events. It might sound silly to make your holiday celebration into a visual picture sequence, but that might just be the thing that helps the most! Consider how when adults plan a vacation to a new place, we pour over books and websites, and videos and blogs, and anything else we can get our hands on to ensure we are “ready” for our trip. And we don’t just research landmarks or other areas of interest—we YouTube search everything from how to walk to the reception area in the hotel to how to use a different style of restroom in another country so we can “see” what to expect. We do this to best prepare ourselves for being successful in a new space. While a family holiday gathering may not be a new space for us as adults, we must remember our children have had far fewer opportunities to create memories and a schema for how these experiences go, and whatever guidebooks and videos and playscapes we can provide in advance will help them to feel like they are informed travelers on the big day. Family members can even join in the process by sending photos of their homes if you will be visiting, or videos of their role-plays of what the get together will look like. The more examples our kids have, the more they know what to anticipate and the more prepared they will be to enjoy the experience. May your winter togetherness be safe and joyful.

Written by Dr. Elizabeth Hughes