Where’s The Passion?

 

         When I look around at the people who have come in and out of my life over the years, I’m discouraged by the vast number of men and women who have so little passion in their lives. Our journey is a short one, and I, for one, am not going to waste it pissing and moaning about how I wish things were different.  I am the one in control of my destiny and my happiness. I can’t expect other’s to do it for me. It is time for all of us to find a way to bring more passion into our lives and more joy into our hearts.

         When the alarm clock goes off in the morning, how does it make you feel? Are you dreading the workday or are you excited about the day ahead? If you are one of the countless worker bee’s who can’t wait until Friday to come, then I think it might be time to reconsider your career choice. You shouldn’t be spending the majority of your day doing something that makes you unhappy.

         My parents spent a lot of of money on my private education, which began when I was in the fifth grade. Not only did I secure a bachelor’s degree at the University of Rochester, I received a Master’s Degree from our very own Nazareth College. While I was teaching, I realized that I didn’t love what I was doing. I had a difficult time adhering to rules I didn’t agree with, constantly worrying about the children on an academic and also a personal level, and feeling disgusted by how poorly teachers were compensated in our society.

         I was really worried that my mom (my dad had passed by this point) would be disappointed that I wanted to change professions since they spent all this money helping me get my degree. When I told her I wanted to join Mark at the salon, she couldn’t have been more supportive. She assured me that education was never wasted and was proud of me for wanting to find a career that made me happy. Since she worked alongside her husband for forty years, she was thrilled that I wanted to be an even bigger part of my husband’s life. What I didn’t realize until I left education was that my marriage suffered while I taught. The stress from my job carried on to my relationship. It was nearly impossible not to bring the stressors of work home with me at night. We weren’t as connected physically or emotionally. It was a difficult time for us.

         Walking away from teaching and having the courage to try a different path in life was the best decision I could have ever made. Working in the salon made me feel valued, which was important to me. And there is something about making another person feel better that is more rewarding than I can put into words. Changing careers was also, by far, the best thing I could have done for our marriage.

         Making women feel beautiful, whether I was painting their nails, giving them a facial, waxing their bikini, applying their makeup or styling their hair was a career that I instantly fell in love with. Interacting with clients in a salon setting is very personal. You establish connections that aren’t often found in other professions. I felt passionate about my career. It made me happy.

         Being happy at a place you spend at least 40 hours a week translates into more happiness at home. It’s hard to come home after a full day doing something you dread and putting on your happy face when you’ve been consumed with a ho-hum existence all day. If you spend a day doing something that excites you or you find rewarding, on the other hand, then you’ll be much more inclined to radiate positivity to your loved one’s.

         Passion breeds passion. Being complacent in your relationship can be just as damning as being complacent with your profession. Remember when you first fell in love and you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other? It was such an exciting time. Every part of you felt alive. Spending time together, making out, cuddling, holding hands and especially sex was satisfying and brought you such joy. Then life gets in the way and you settle for a quick romp on Saturday nights and an occasional peck on the lips when you leave for work in the morning.

         I find it difficult to believe that there is anyone who wouldn’t prefer the intensity that existed at the start of your relationship than to how it is now. Believe it or not, you have the ability to keep that passion alive in your personal life. You shouldn’t have to live vicariously though the heroines in your romance novels. I’m living proof that the honeymoon doesn’t have to ever end, because I refuse to make such a huge sacrifice in my happiness.

I would love every woman to find a way to rekindle that passion that may be waning at home. Here are a few examples.

-Turn off the television. He won’t be able to concentrate on you with ESPN on in the background.

-Make a pact to turn off your phone. Nothing ruins a good make out session more than that incoming text. And I hate to break it to you, but that text is probably not urgent and could wait twenty minutes before you respond. Can you even remember the last time you shut your phone off? I think those small, hand held devices are destroying our sex lives. Turning things off can be such a turn-on!

         -Go on a date. Not once a year or even once a month. I want you to shoot for once a week. I know you have work and possibly kid obligations. I have three children; I get it. But if you make dating a priority, you will find the time. Believe it or not, dates don’t have to happen solely on a Saturday night. How about getting up a little earlier and having breakfast in bed and a little bit of each other for a treat? Trust me, it’s the best way to start your day. You can also schedule an hour or two in the middle of the day to go to the movies or sneak back in bed for some afternoon delight. If you think outside the box, your box will thank me.

-Send romantic or naughty texts during the day to remind your partner that not only are you thinking about him, but also you still want him. It’s time to make your relationship a priority.

         The more sex you have, the more sex you will crave. For those of your married folks out there, remember your honeymoon? You couldn’t get enough. It was the most connected you have probably ever felt with another person in your entire life. Stop making excuses.

Turn off the phone, turn off the lights (or maybe turn them on so you can see what you’re doing!) and reestablish that connection that brought you together in the first place. Just like a smile is contagious, so is passion. Make passion something you can’t live without and you won’t be able to stop smiling!

 

 

M.E. Nesser is the author of A Promise of Passion series, which can be found on Amazon.