Abuse in a relationship can take many forms. While physical abuse is the most outwardly obvious, some people are living with a partner who is emotionally or mentally abusive. This type of abuse can be just as harmful, as it isn't always as immediately apparent to the victim or their friends and family, because it's often disguised as caring behavior. Although it may be possible to repair a relationship with couples counseling, the first step is to identify the signs of emotional abuse. 

How to Tell if You Are Being Emotionally Abused

1. Control 

Emotionally abusive individuals seek to exert control over their partners, often via subtle manipulation. Your partner might be overly interested in your daily activities, for example, or want to be involved in all of your social interactions. 

They might make subtle remarks that undermine your independence, effectively keeping you from making your own choices. This control might even show up as a refusal to get help; if you suggest couples counseling, for instance, they may refuse to avoid being forced to acknowledge their behavior. 

2. Gaslighting

Emotional abusers gaslight their victims, belittling their victims' concerns, denying their reality, and manipulating perceptions to match their point of view. When you suggest couples counseling, for example, they might respond by telling you that you're making issues bigger than they are or arguing that there is nothing wrong. As a result, you start questioning yourself and whether your feelings are valid. 

3. Insults Disguised as Jokes 

Everyone says things they don't mean sometimes, and may even inadvertently hurt others' feelings. But if your partner regularly insults you, and then claims it was a "joke," that's a sign of emotional abuse. It's especially concerning when the behavior continues after you've asked them to stop, or they do not willingly apologize. 

4. Feelings of Worthlessness

A healthy marriage is one where both partners feel loved and supported, and you try to build each other up. If your partner belittles your accomplishments, refuses to see your strengths, or even actively discourages you from pursuing challenges, that is a red flag for emotional abuse. Abusers tell their partners they are stupid, worthless, or incompetent to maintain control and make their victims feel like they cannot survive without them. 

5. Walking on Eggshells 

Marriage is a place where you should feel comfortable being yourself — not fearful of your partners' moods and reactions. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your spouse, to the point where you fear even suggesting couples counseling because of how they may react, that is a sign of abuse and needs to be addressed.

If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, get help from the professionals at Feinberg & Associates.  Psychologist David Feinberg, Ph.D. provides Lexington, KY-area residents with personalized counseling services. In addition to individual counseling services, they provide couples counseling to help couples identify and manage issues in their relationship. Visit them online to learn about their services, and call (859) 233-3390 for an appointment.